December is the cruellest month...at least for Barren Babes. The month is full of gatherings between family and friends, which opens up the possibility for catching up on those you haven't seen in years. With this comes news of pregnancies and birth announcements. So far, for this Barren Babe, the score is: three pregnancies and one birth announcement. Of course, there's still a week left in December so one never knows...
Will write about my mini pre-Christmas 'breakdown' when I'm back home and not blogging at my in-laws. Yes, December is the cruellest month for Barren Babes as we attempt to receive these announcements with courage and grace while keeping our pain and broken hearts hidden away. Chins up. Be strong.
Showing posts with label barren babe. Show all posts
Showing posts with label barren babe. Show all posts
Friday, December 26, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Mad Men
Just added 'Mad Men' to the list of television shows with a Barren Babe. The character Pete's wife appears to be having problems conceiving. During the season premiere there was a touching scene where she lamented that everyone was getting pregnant but herself. She likened it to a 'club' that you joined when you became pregnant and she felt left out. I can relate to that. It will be interesting to see how the writers will handle this situation and its affect on their marriage, as back in the early 1960s options were limited to fertility-challenged women/couples.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Cheap Invitro
Still not sure how to comment on news stories that I link on the blog. Thought that one from last week was bizarre but hopeful: Africa getting cheap invitro. Sad that barren babes in Africa are stigmatized by their failure to produce offspring. The hopeful part is crazy, but perhaps this cheap invitro process will be a success and find its way across the Atlantic ocean. Even more bizarre would be desperate North American couples making a trek over to the Arican continent for cheap invitro. It will become a fad and 'vacations' will be planned around cheap invitro in far-flung countries.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Pam & Sue-Ellen
Just added the television show 'Dallas' to the list of shows with a Barren Babe. The first year of the show focused on the characters of Sue-Ellen and JR and their 'lack of children' after 7 years of marriage. I rewatched the first three years of the show a few years ago on the Soap Network and was surprised by that storyline.
Another 'Dallas' character with fertility issues was Pam who suffered from a couple of miscarriages. But then -- and I can't remember the specifics -- she was either told that she could not carry a baby to term, and/or she was the carrier of a genetic disease.
If you do happen to catch these episodes from the 70s, please note the way that infertility is portrayed as a type of 'hysteria' that affects the mental health of the 'afflicted' character. I wonder if this was really how society viewed the plight of Barren Babes just 30 years ago.
Another 'Dallas' character with fertility issues was Pam who suffered from a couple of miscarriages. But then -- and I can't remember the specifics -- she was either told that she could not carry a baby to term, and/or she was the carrier of a genetic disease.
If you do happen to catch these episodes from the 70s, please note the way that infertility is portrayed as a type of 'hysteria' that affects the mental health of the 'afflicted' character. I wonder if this was really how society viewed the plight of Barren Babes just 30 years ago.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Happy V-Day!
Happy Valentine's Day to all the Barren Babes out in the world. Tonight my Darling Husband and I will be ordering pizza and putting a java-log in the fireplace. Whether you will be enjoying a four-course meal at a white-glove restaurant, or ordering take-out like us, now is the moment to remember why you are a couple. Take time to remember what attracted you to your partner and how exciting it was when you the two of you started dating.
An infertility diagnosis can sometimes spell disaster for a relationship. We try so hard to get pregnant and have sex scheduled to coincide with peak times around ovulation that we lose sight of the romance. Now is the time to toss aside the baby-making focus and look at your relationship with warmth and romance. Let's bring back that loving feeling and nurture the intimacy that has grown through the infertility struggle. Life's a journey and it's amazing to have someone to share it with, through the laughs and the tears. OMG!! Sorry, I just realized how sugary that sounds. Perhaps I'm just caught up in the spirit of the day.
An infertility diagnosis can sometimes spell disaster for a relationship. We try so hard to get pregnant and have sex scheduled to coincide with peak times around ovulation that we lose sight of the romance. Now is the time to toss aside the baby-making focus and look at your relationship with warmth and romance. Let's bring back that loving feeling and nurture the intimacy that has grown through the infertility struggle. Life's a journey and it's amazing to have someone to share it with, through the laughs and the tears. OMG!! Sorry, I just realized how sugary that sounds. Perhaps I'm just caught up in the spirit of the day.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Penny Serenade
Last night I watched the 1940s movie 'Penny Serenade' with Cary Grant and Irene Dunne. Darling Husband was on a business trip so it was me, a tearjerker, and a box of tissue. All barren babes will be able to relate to this movie no matter how outdated it may be. It concerns a couple on the verge of breaking up and their path toward parenthood when fertility treatments did not exist. The word miscarriage is never spoken and yet it is tastefully mentioned, while the yearning for a baby that she can never have is plain to see. Love Cary Grant's speech in the judge's chambers when he tries to stop the judge from taking away their adopted daughter. Tons of tears were flowing. Highly recommend this movie, so be sure to check it out the next time it's on television or get it on Netflix. The adoption process is outdated, but the feelings are timeless.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Boxes in Closets
Here's a wonderful article that appeared in the NY Times on Sunday, January 6, 2008, entitled "The Blank Space in Our Family Album", written by Catherine Macrae Hockmuth. It's a relief to know that I am not the only person that has a box hidden away in the furthest corner of a closet containing 'baby' books. Okay, to be honest the books I have are about struggling with infertility, diets to boost fertility, the old bible 'Taking Charge of Your Fertility' (hahahah), extending your fertility, infertility survival books, copies of 'Conceive' magazine as well as copies of a magazine about adoption.
The box also contains a folder of newspaper clippings of articles regarding, what else but infertility and adoption. It used to contain clippings about decorating nurseries, but I've tossed those. I've also tossed a copy of the magazine 'You're Pregnant!', which I bought when I was about 6 weeks pregnant and before 'it' stopped growing. That magazine just mocked me and my single follicle everytime I opened the box, so out it went. (Secret: sometimes at magazine stands I cover up the pregnancy mags with other periodicals because I can't stand to look at them.)
My box is hidden away in the closet much like my status as a barren babe is to most people we know -- aside from close family and very close friends (mine...hubby finally told his parents my barren babe status at Christmas). I never went as far as buying baby clothes, but we have names picked. The names are kept in my heart and mind, although I've never told anyone or been really possessive about our choices. Alright, I was saddened when a friend named her son the name we had chosen, but who am I to protest since the odds of my husband and I ever using it fades with time.
We also have drawers containing prenatal vitamins, zinc, syringes, some left over medication for IUI in the refrigerator, and a container of used needles underneath the bathroom sink. As of today we are at an impasse as to when to discard these last few items because then it really does signal that we are ending this part of our journey. In my heart I realize this part of the adventure is over, yet I can't actually bring myself to let go of these items.
The article ends with the couple pursuing adoption in China, which has the guarantee of a child at the outcome instead of the heartwrenching uncertainty of fertility treatments. We are still at the crossroads on this decision. Family and close friends suggest adoption, and yet that is not an easly decision, but the box remains in our closet.
The box also contains a folder of newspaper clippings of articles regarding, what else but infertility and adoption. It used to contain clippings about decorating nurseries, but I've tossed those. I've also tossed a copy of the magazine 'You're Pregnant!', which I bought when I was about 6 weeks pregnant and before 'it' stopped growing. That magazine just mocked me and my single follicle everytime I opened the box, so out it went. (Secret: sometimes at magazine stands I cover up the pregnancy mags with other periodicals because I can't stand to look at them.)
My box is hidden away in the closet much like my status as a barren babe is to most people we know -- aside from close family and very close friends (mine...hubby finally told his parents my barren babe status at Christmas). I never went as far as buying baby clothes, but we have names picked. The names are kept in my heart and mind, although I've never told anyone or been really possessive about our choices. Alright, I was saddened when a friend named her son the name we had chosen, but who am I to protest since the odds of my husband and I ever using it fades with time.
We also have drawers containing prenatal vitamins, zinc, syringes, some left over medication for IUI in the refrigerator, and a container of used needles underneath the bathroom sink. As of today we are at an impasse as to when to discard these last few items because then it really does signal that we are ending this part of our journey. In my heart I realize this part of the adventure is over, yet I can't actually bring myself to let go of these items.
The article ends with the couple pursuing adoption in China, which has the guarantee of a child at the outcome instead of the heartwrenching uncertainty of fertility treatments. We are still at the crossroads on this decision. Family and close friends suggest adoption, and yet that is not an easly decision, but the box remains in our closet.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Not Another Celeb Baby Bump
Just read the news that Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban are expecting their first child. You know you're a barren babe when news of celebrity couples being pregnant fills you with dread. The dread of months of tabloids filled with baby bump watches and entertainment shows noting progress of her pregnancy. This year I vow to boycott tabloid publications because it just isn't worth the pain. No more baby talk.
Friday, January 4, 2008
The Topic was Baby
Over the holidays I found myself somehow seated between two of Darling Husband's former co-workers in a crowded pub. Of course, as one has a one-year-old at home she couldn't resist talking about the baby. Because I am not close to her I really did not care about the baby, and considering my barren babe status I really did not want to hear anyone talk about any baby. So, whenever the subject came up I would grab my drink and stare off into space with a glazed look on my face. It's a bit bitchy, I know, but it's a survival mechanism that really works. I just totally ignored the baby chat and it eventually died down. Do not feed the baby chatter by asking questions, just let it die by ignoring the conversation until it changes to another subject. A bit cold, but it worked! Has anyone else noticed that it is only parents that bring up the subject of babies/children? Other people really do not care about others' children unless they are a close relative or super best friend. So, if you find yourself in the middle of baby talk just look a way with a glazed look on your face...yawn even, but it will get you through. Sometimes you have to be a bitch to survive.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Be a Santa to A Senior
One of the things that does scare me about remaining childfree the rest of my life is that I will be alone in a nursing home during my later years...and no one will visit me. Okay, I will admit that fear of loneliness in old-age is not a valid reason to have a child. Also, having a child is certainly not a guarantee that he/she will visit you when you are in a nursing home -- my SIL is a prime example, and a daughter of family friends totally cut her parents from her life. The grown child will more than likely stick you in a cheap facility so as not to drain his/her inheritance. So, if you remain childfree you will be able to pick your own nursing home/old folks home. I'll go for one with limo service and an open bar...might as well go out in style.
Here is a way to honor those seniors in our community who may be alone this Christmas. It's called Be a Santa to a Senior. You simply pick a 'decoration' on which a senior has listed a couple of items he/she would like to receive this Christmas. You purchase the item(s) and drop it off at a designated spot, and it is then gift-wrapped and presented to the senior by volunteers. It's a wonderful way to remember seniors in our community who may not have family that visit over Christmas. I really don't know how Barren Babes made it through years ago without fertility clinics and literature on coping with infertility. Many probably turned to adoption agencies, but what about the others who may have had a spouse divorce them because they could not reproduce? These must have been courageous and strong Barren Babes. Think about the Barren Babes that went before us and are now in seniors residences, and honor them by being a santa to a senior or visiting an old age home.
Here is a way to honor those seniors in our community who may be alone this Christmas. It's called Be a Santa to a Senior. You simply pick a 'decoration' on which a senior has listed a couple of items he/she would like to receive this Christmas. You purchase the item(s) and drop it off at a designated spot, and it is then gift-wrapped and presented to the senior by volunteers. It's a wonderful way to remember seniors in our community who may not have family that visit over Christmas. I really don't know how Barren Babes made it through years ago without fertility clinics and literature on coping with infertility. Many probably turned to adoption agencies, but what about the others who may have had a spouse divorce them because they could not reproduce? These must have been courageous and strong Barren Babes. Think about the Barren Babes that went before us and are now in seniors residences, and honor them by being a santa to a senior or visiting an old age home.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Wonderful Tonight
I just added Pattie Boyd's new autobiography 'Wonderful Tonight' to the Barren Babe booklist. From reading biographies of the Beatles and Eric Clapton I know that she never had children and it was suspected that she was barren. Pattie Boyd is then a major Barren Babe. I have not yet read 'Wonderful Tonight' but I can't wait, so I may have to purchase it myself instead of waiting for someone else to maybe give it to me for Christmas. If anyone else has read it please let me know.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)