It's funny how life can be smooth and quiet for months and then everything seems to happen at once.
Early in March DH and I met with the big international adoption agency in town and we are now on the official waiting list for an adoption from Vietnam (after signing contracts and forking over a 3k retainer). We met with our social worker who must now amend our homestudy. Of course, the agency still has yet to receive a new license from the Vietnamese government.
In mid-March DH and I spent 10 days in Arizona: seeing the Grand Canyon, getting snowed-in during a blizzard in Sedona, seeing a couple of Texas Rangers games (we became big fans during our 2.5 years in North Texas), hanging out at the pool, and gazing at saguaros and the starry skies at night. Love the dry air for taking away the stiff aches in my elbows, knees, and ankles...although I had to cake the moisturizer onto my face each morning.
Got back in time for my nephew's 15th birthday. It was fun, but I cried when we got home from the festivities as I realized he was five when we first started trying to conceive. Even if we adopt there will be a big age gap between nephew and our child. Although DH pointed out that nephew will be able to baby-sit now.
At the beginning of April I received a call from my Mother telling me that her older, and last remaining, brother had suffered a major stroke and was in hospital. Oh, no. The next day she phoned to tell me that one of her oldest and dearest friends had suffered a heart-attack and was taken by ambulance to a nearby hospital (where she is on a waiting list for open-heart surgery). My much-loved uncle died one week later. Prior to his death, I went to see him late Easter morning, and although his eyes were closed he did blink a few times and appeared to form a slight smile when I told him his favourite niece was there. His funeral was a week ago. He played a major role in my childhood. (I will always remember that he and my aunt sent me my first bouquet of roses when I turned 16.) As long as I live I will always miss him. Even now I can not write this without crying.
The big surprise this week was the call from the gynecologist's office (my appointment is not until the end of July). The doctor had reviewed my file and looked at my MRI results and wanted me to have an updated ultrasound and a CA-125 blood test. I told them that I had just had an ultrasound a few weeks ago. Yesterday they phoned back and bumped up my appointment to this Monday telling me that the doctor wants to do surgery in May. I went for the CA-125 today (and it is NOT COVERED by the Ontario Health Insurance Plan).
This afternoon I was searching the internet for ovarian cancer and I am scared because I have some of the symptoms, although they are quite vague: fatigue, bloating, abdominal/pelvic pain. I am trying to remain calm, but inside I am freaking out. Why is it that when everything in life appears to be coming together it all falls apart.
Showing posts with label home study. Show all posts
Showing posts with label home study. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Whirlwind
It's been so long since the last time I posted that I forgot my password and had to reset it. June and July have been busy.
The first week of June another uncle died. As life goes, we had agreed to host DH's buddy from Vancouver for a couple of days around this same time. DH offered to cancel but I knew his friend had been driving across the U.S. and Canada on his motorcycle and probably would like to stay in a house and not a tent or motel. The whole wake and funeral made me unglued with grief and my Mother was totally shocked losing two brothers in four weeks. I've been trying to phone and visit more often this summer.
Around this same time in June our social worker finally finished our homestudy, and we had our last visit with her after we got back from California. Oh, yeah, we were on the west coast for 10 days and got back a couple of days before Canada Day and shared a flight from Chicago with some reporters from Sky News who were on their way to cover the royal tour. DH had work meetings in Californa and I joined him and then we took a few days and went to Sonoma and then down to Carmel/Big Sur. Lots of shopping, wine tasting, and relaxing.
We had an awesome Canada Day as it was our first time celebrating back in Canada since 2005. Spent the afternoon hanging out at a pub in Ottawa with DH's old friend Suit Guy, who shocked us by not wearing a suit. My friend A joined us for dinner and we headed to the War Memorial to see the fireworks. DH and Suit Guy managed to embarass us as they drunkenly wielded toy light sabres on the way back to the pub. Luckily we crashed at Suit Guy's place so no driving home that night. (On a side note, Suit Guy is such a character that DH and I are thinking of starting a blog/website for him. The latest is that he was ticked off when a young woman at a bar approached him and told him how much he looked like Anderson Cooper...not sure why this would upset him, but that's Suit Guy.)
Back to adoption news. The first week of July we found out that the Big Adoption Agency had openings for the Vietnam wait list, so we are now on a 'call-back' list for this program. Honestly, I am still confused by the process because it may be six months to a year until we receive a call about getting our 'dossier' together and sending it, and from there it could be two years. DH and I decided that there's no harm in being on a wait list while we pursue a domestic adoption.
We have visited and signed with one adoption agency and one adoption licensee. It was wonderful to receive feedback on the profile we have been working on for the past couple of months. Surprisingly (or maybe not) each wants different changes made to the profle, so it looks like we need two different profiles. One wants more photos of family/friends and more talk of 'openness' regarding the adoption, while the other wants more action photos. One woman spoke about a pregnant teenager who had recently contacted her, but she told us that we are over the age range that the girl requested (30-35). Yikes. I told this to my friend A and she compared it to online dating and how subjective it is regarding age, race, financial status, looks, interests etc. Online dating sites can't guarantee you'll meet someone you'll fall in love with, and adoption agencies can't gurantee that you'll be chosen by a birth mother.
DH and I have agreed we will give the domestic adoption route a year and see what happens with it and we will also see what happens with the international adoption route. At the moment we still have to make changes to the other profile, but I am feeling too burnt out at the moment to even look at it.
The first week of June another uncle died. As life goes, we had agreed to host DH's buddy from Vancouver for a couple of days around this same time. DH offered to cancel but I knew his friend had been driving across the U.S. and Canada on his motorcycle and probably would like to stay in a house and not a tent or motel. The whole wake and funeral made me unglued with grief and my Mother was totally shocked losing two brothers in four weeks. I've been trying to phone and visit more often this summer.
Around this same time in June our social worker finally finished our homestudy, and we had our last visit with her after we got back from California. Oh, yeah, we were on the west coast for 10 days and got back a couple of days before Canada Day and shared a flight from Chicago with some reporters from Sky News who were on their way to cover the royal tour. DH had work meetings in Californa and I joined him and then we took a few days and went to Sonoma and then down to Carmel/Big Sur. Lots of shopping, wine tasting, and relaxing.
We had an awesome Canada Day as it was our first time celebrating back in Canada since 2005. Spent the afternoon hanging out at a pub in Ottawa with DH's old friend Suit Guy, who shocked us by not wearing a suit. My friend A joined us for dinner and we headed to the War Memorial to see the fireworks. DH and Suit Guy managed to embarass us as they drunkenly wielded toy light sabres on the way back to the pub. Luckily we crashed at Suit Guy's place so no driving home that night. (On a side note, Suit Guy is such a character that DH and I are thinking of starting a blog/website for him. The latest is that he was ticked off when a young woman at a bar approached him and told him how much he looked like Anderson Cooper...not sure why this would upset him, but that's Suit Guy.)
Back to adoption news. The first week of July we found out that the Big Adoption Agency had openings for the Vietnam wait list, so we are now on a 'call-back' list for this program. Honestly, I am still confused by the process because it may be six months to a year until we receive a call about getting our 'dossier' together and sending it, and from there it could be two years. DH and I decided that there's no harm in being on a wait list while we pursue a domestic adoption.
We have visited and signed with one adoption agency and one adoption licensee. It was wonderful to receive feedback on the profile we have been working on for the past couple of months. Surprisingly (or maybe not) each wants different changes made to the profle, so it looks like we need two different profiles. One wants more photos of family/friends and more talk of 'openness' regarding the adoption, while the other wants more action photos. One woman spoke about a pregnant teenager who had recently contacted her, but she told us that we are over the age range that the girl requested (30-35). Yikes. I told this to my friend A and she compared it to online dating and how subjective it is regarding age, race, financial status, looks, interests etc. Online dating sites can't guarantee you'll meet someone you'll fall in love with, and adoption agencies can't gurantee that you'll be chosen by a birth mother.
DH and I have agreed we will give the domestic adoption route a year and see what happens with it and we will also see what happens with the international adoption route. At the moment we still have to make changes to the other profile, but I am feeling too burnt out at the moment to even look at it.
Friday, April 15, 2011
A Visitor This Weekend
Bright and early at 5am this morning Aunt Flo came to visit. AF's appearance may explain why I have been on a major crying jag for two days -- or, ever since our appointment with the 'big' international adoption agency in town. Hormones can really mess up one's emotional state. I'm just thankful that I didn't breakdown in tears during our appointment at the agency.
Yesterday I listened to the Des'ree song "You Gotta Be" while on the treadmill. I kept repeating it as part of the chorus really hit home for me: "you gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger, you gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together." This should be my mantra while going through the adoption process. I've really got to get tougher and stronger to deal with these agencies while DH and I have our marital life scrutinized by strangers.
Yesterday I emailed an out of town agency that handles open adoptions. DH and I went to one of their workshops last November (just over a week after we moved back to Canada). I received a reply today that we could go ahead and register with the agency before our homestudy is completed if we are finished our sessions with our social worker. This has really brightened my day, but the only drawback is that we need to write a birth mother letter, a profile with photos, and get 5 reference letters. The reference letters may be the problem because it is one thing to ask friends to be a 'reference' and it is quite another thing to ask them to put this in a written letter format and have them follow through with it.
Oh, well, guess I must try to be harder, tougher, and stronger if I want to survive this adoption process with both my sanity and marriage intact. Fun days ahead.
Yesterday I listened to the Des'ree song "You Gotta Be" while on the treadmill. I kept repeating it as part of the chorus really hit home for me: "you gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger, you gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together." This should be my mantra while going through the adoption process. I've really got to get tougher and stronger to deal with these agencies while DH and I have our marital life scrutinized by strangers.
Yesterday I emailed an out of town agency that handles open adoptions. DH and I went to one of their workshops last November (just over a week after we moved back to Canada). I received a reply today that we could go ahead and register with the agency before our homestudy is completed if we are finished our sessions with our social worker. This has really brightened my day, but the only drawback is that we need to write a birth mother letter, a profile with photos, and get 5 reference letters. The reference letters may be the problem because it is one thing to ask friends to be a 'reference' and it is quite another thing to ask them to put this in a written letter format and have them follow through with it.
Oh, well, guess I must try to be harder, tougher, and stronger if I want to survive this adoption process with both my sanity and marriage intact. Fun days ahead.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Waiting For Spring
Today is the first day of spring, but where I am right now it is snowing so I am still waiting for robins and daffodils. I really hate March in Canada.
Our home visit by the social worker went well...I think. She spent two hours grilling us about our childhood experiences and if we'd been hit or abused, and all sorts of fun stuff like that. Meanwhile, she spent all of two minutes checking out our house. Two minutes...so, all the hours we spent cleaning (and me worrying) amounted to a two minute tour of our home. We have used this clean home as an opportunity to have our parents over to visit...of course not at the same time because that would be insane. Since we've been engaged and married our parents have been in the same room about six times. That's right, six times in nine years (and that includes our wedding rehearsal and wedding day). Oh, seven times if you include my sister's funeral.
Our last meeting with the social worker is next week and I'm working on reading a Deborah Gray book on attachment. Here's hoping we get approved.
Our home visit by the social worker went well...I think. She spent two hours grilling us about our childhood experiences and if we'd been hit or abused, and all sorts of fun stuff like that. Meanwhile, she spent all of two minutes checking out our house. Two minutes...so, all the hours we spent cleaning (and me worrying) amounted to a two minute tour of our home. We have used this clean home as an opportunity to have our parents over to visit...of course not at the same time because that would be insane. Since we've been engaged and married our parents have been in the same room about six times. That's right, six times in nine years (and that includes our wedding rehearsal and wedding day). Oh, seven times if you include my sister's funeral.
Our last meeting with the social worker is next week and I'm working on reading a Deborah Gray book on attachment. Here's hoping we get approved.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Home Study Chez DH & Moi This Sunday
It's official. I am going crazy. Our social worker visits our home this Sunday and I can't relax. In fact, I am burned out from all the adoption stuff. We finished our PRIDE course several weeks ago and I have been diligently working on our birthmother letter/profile. After Sunday's home visit we have one more appointment with our social worker until our home study ends. Apparently we are supposed to be reading adoption books and listing them for the social worker, but I have only read one so far and need to find others.
We went to the police station last Friday to fill out forms for a criminal check, and also went to another agency to have our finger prints done for the FBI screening. Yes, we are getting checked out by the FBI, believe it or not, because we lived in the United States for almost five years. It will take about three months, but the funny thing is that I have almost no prints on my fingers! The woman doing the imprints complained, but what can I do? Who knew that your fingerprints can wear off over time. I told DH it is because of all the housework I do and he laughed and joked that I could be a criminal -- thanks Honey. Just hope it doesn't negatively impact our home study.
I am crossing my fingers that everything goes well on Sunday with the social worker and she's not detracted by clutter.
We went to the police station last Friday to fill out forms for a criminal check, and also went to another agency to have our finger prints done for the FBI screening. Yes, we are getting checked out by the FBI, believe it or not, because we lived in the United States for almost five years. It will take about three months, but the funny thing is that I have almost no prints on my fingers! The woman doing the imprints complained, but what can I do? Who knew that your fingerprints can wear off over time. I told DH it is because of all the housework I do and he laughed and joked that I could be a criminal -- thanks Honey. Just hope it doesn't negatively impact our home study.
I am crossing my fingers that everything goes well on Sunday with the social worker and she's not detracted by clutter.
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