My In-Between Life

The past couple of weeks since we moved have been crazy. We still haven't unpacked all the moving boxes as the movers only unpacked our china and dishes, and so we are living in-between boxes -- empty and full. In-between feeling settled in a home and living in a new house. It's ours, but it doesn't feel like 'home' yet, if that makes any sense.

Strangely, this in-between feeling is familiar. It's the world DH and I have been living in since we first started trying to conceive eight years ago. We want to be a family with children, and everyone around us is having children, but we're not there yet. Our married life has been about living on the periphery of what our friends/family have achieved, and almost getting it but having it 'snatched' away with each pregnancy loss.

As we enter the world of adoption I think this in-between life will continue until we have the adoption papers signed. There is a multitude of tasks we must check off before that point and it feels like we're about to climb Mt. Everest.

The workshop we attended last weekend opened our eyes to just how 'open' an adoption can be (bit scary for newbies). We also realized how far behind we were compared to most of the couples in attendance: the majority have completed their home studies and PRIDE training. I had to ask the couple we were seated with what PRIDE training is. It stands for Parent Resources for Information, Development and Education, and the province of Ontario requires this training for all adoptive parents before the home study can be signed off by the adoption practitioner/social worker. Guess we need to find an adoption practitioner/social worker, but we've got an information session at an international adoption agency this week so maybe they'll be able to recommend someone.

Looks like we'll keep living this in-between life of unpacking and getting settled as we begin our adoption journey. Hope we can get unpacked and make our house feel like a home before the home study starts.

Lily Allen

I survived October! Thank God it's over. I'm still unpacking boxes and probably will be for the next three weeks. Looking forward to the open-adoption workshop this Saturday -- guess I should think of some questions.

Yesterday, I was saddened to read online about singer Lily Allen's miscarriage at six months (is it a miscarriage that late or a stillbirth?), and then the article referred to her previous miscarriage that ocurred just over two years ago. Oh, God...I had a meltdown after reading about her tragic loss as it brought back a wave of memories of my own miscarriages and ectopic pregnancies. I hope that people will become more open about miscarriages and realize that it's not a taboo subject to be avoided. If more women were open about miscarriage then it would take away the feelings of isolation and -- at least this is how I felt -- failure. A month ago I believe that Giuliana Rancic came forward with her miscarriage story on 'The View' (I missed it...it was my due date) and I applaud her for her candidness. Here's a great story 'The Lonely Pain of Miscarriage' from The Guardian by Cathryn Scott. Nothing is lonelier than miscarriage.