Monday, April 28, 2008

It's Hard To Keep a Good Woman Down

Unfortunately, last weekend dear aunt flo came to visit. Of course, I am always somewhat let-down when this happens as I always hold out for the 'miracle' to happen...and I am always disappointed. Hope can be a dangerous thing.

When the disappointment strikes I comfort myself by indulging in sushi and alcohol, and so Darling Husband and I went out for sushi and I had a yummy lychee martini. We also went to see a couple of live bands. Nothing like raw fish, booze, and live music to boost one's spirits.

Must comment that I actually encountered a very pregnant belly (wearing a tight shirt...why do women do this?) at the music venue. I totally was not expecting to see a huge pregnant belly and felt a sinking feeling in my tummy when I saw her. But, what really made me happy was that Darling Husband instinctively knew I would be affected by this sight and reached out and put his arm around me and rubbed my back. It was his kind and empathetic action that prevented me from emotionally reacting.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Pam & Sue-Ellen

Just added the television show 'Dallas' to the list of shows with a Barren Babe. The first year of the show focused on the characters of Sue-Ellen and JR and their 'lack of children' after 7 years of marriage. I rewatched the first three years of the show a few years ago on the Soap Network and was surprised by that storyline.

Another 'Dallas' character with fertility issues was Pam who suffered from a couple of miscarriages. But then -- and I can't remember the specifics -- she was either told that she could not carry a baby to term, and/or she was the carrier of a genetic disease.

If you do happen to catch these episodes from the 70s, please note the way that infertility is portrayed as a type of 'hysteria' that affects the mental health of the 'afflicted' character. I wonder if this was really how society viewed the plight of Barren Babes just 30 years ago.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Brothers & Sisters & IVF

Last night's episode of 'Brothers & Sisters' made Darling Husband and I chuckle. Did you catch it? Kitty and her husband at the RE's office getting instructions on the hormonal needles. All the talk about needles and egg harvesting made us 'nostalgic' and happy that we jumped off that wagon. It was great to see characters in a popular televison show facing fertility treatments. Perhaps the writers will show a couple struggling with infertility, unlike the brother and his wife who seemed to get pregnant on their first ART 'try'. Kitty's earlier miscarriage this season mirrored my own as I also discovered that 'it' had stopped growing during my first ultrasound at the OB's office. The only flaw in this storyline is that I got the impression that her husband really does not want anymore children. When did he do a total turnaround?

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Acupuncture Day

Today is acupuncture day. Okay, it's not an 'official' acupuncture day celebrated across the nation like Mother's Day. In my life acupuncture appointments are on Wednesdays and I look forward to each appointment.

It's been two weeks since my last appointment and hopefully this cycle will be more 'normal' than my last few: either too long or too short. I started going to regulate my cycles, but I've become addicted to the peaceful feeling that I get after an acupuncture treatment. It's a sense of 'balance' and that everything in life feels okay. It feels like I can face any adversity and all will be well.

Because I get that total sense of peace and relaxation after an acupuncture treatment, I try to organize and have household work finished before the appointment and always plan ahead and have leftovers ready to re-heat for dinner. Darling Husband doesn't mind too much because he knows I will be totally chilled-out tonight.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Facebook is About You, Not Your Baby

I was just on Facebook -- to feed my Scrabulous addiction -- and decided to check out my high school alumni page. Yes, I am a glutton for punishment, but I am feeling wonderful today and ready to take on anything. Although, admittedly I was not strong enough to check out the page of a friend who is pregnant -- lucky for me she is thousands of miles away and I will never bump into her on the street.

While on the high school alumni page I noticed the latest phenomenon on Facebook, namely people posting a photo of their baby where the mother's face should be. I understand people posting a photo of their family with parents included, or even the mother/father holding the baby. But, why put your baby's face where your face should be? People go on Facebook to keep in touch with friends and reconnect with old friends -- even frenemies. No, I do not want to see a picture of your baby on your Facebook page. If you want to post photos of your baby then bury them in the photo album section where those who are really interested can actually see them. What is with all the Mommy stuff on Facebook? Is it not supposed to be about you?

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Another Pregnant Belly Part II, All Is Not What It Seems

Had a return visit to the dentist this morning, and I was feeling anxious about the procedure and a bit wary about the woman with the pregnant belly working in the dentist's office. The whole dental thing was uncomfortable but necessary and I could not ignore it, though I was trying my best to ignore the pregnant belly at reception. Basically, I did not acknowledge her situation and everything went well until I was almost at the door and noticed the acupuncture pamphlet.

I stopped and blurted: "Oh, acupuncture.." while grabbing a pamphlet to take home and that is when our conversation began. She asked if I had tried acupuncture and then told me that she started going last year to balance her cycles as she and her husband had been trying to conceive for over two years. Then I told her that I had started going to acupuncture for the very same reason and that Darling Husband and I were having difficulty conceiving. It actually was wonderful talking to her and hearing about all the frustration she went through; all the stupid advice people give you (eg. go on a cruise or have a margarita) and the rude questioning about why you don't have a baby. She admitted that for the first four months of her pregnancy she didn't want to talk about it because she was in shock that she actually was pregnant.

Before leaving I asked her due date and wished her well knowing she had travelled down the same path as me and was now veering onto another course that I have yet to find the directions for...and maybe never will.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Sliding Into Sadness

I was really doing well yesterday; feeling strong and optimistic about the present and future. So when Darling Husband came home from work and we were chatting I tempted fate and asked if he had heard if anyone from back home was pregnant, as he finally knows not to spring that information on me, and it is always better to hear such news when I am feeling good.

He replied that he had not heard of any news, but he discovered that a former workmate and his wife had a baby from checking out the workmate's Facebook page. (I am soooooo hating Facebook these days as people my age are using it as a tool to show pregnant bellies and track their pregnancy, but this may be another post.) Then he asked what date I wanted to move back home because he is really hating his job and misses old friends, and wants to start his own consulting company where he has more contacts.

Maybe I was ready to handle the baby thing, but not at the same time as the whole 'pick-up and move' thing. Just thinking about his old workmate and wife 'getting' my dream made me slide down the slippery slopes of sadness. All I could think was 'where is my fairytale happy ending?' let alone when to give notice at our apartment, and whether to pay people to pack our things -- I want to and Darling Husband does not. Ughhhhh! Shed a few tears and had my hour or two of sadness. Still, I want to know where is my 'fairtale' ending? This real life is difficult.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Another Pregnant Belly

Had a dentist appointment this afternoon. Like most people I dread going to the dentist and I am always slightly anxious. All went well..okay, I must go back about a filling but that is somewhat normal for me. Okay, all went well until I went to set up my next appointment and there she stood before me with her pregnant belly right out there. Yes, the woman in the dentist's office is pregnant. Surprisingly I did not have a meltdown and I didn't react. Felt a faint twinge of sadness mixed with jealousy but it soon passed. I did not acknowledge her pregnancy by commenting on it and asking about it. Sometimes it's easier if you just say nothing at all, and I think I'll stick with that and ignore her pregnant belly when I go back again. Sometimes being a bitch helps you make through. There, I've let it out and now I can get on with my day.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008


It turns out that my Darling Husband and I will not be moving away from the city. Negotiations fell through and he did not get the job. While he was disappointed, I tried to hide my relief while boosting his ego and making him feel better. Okay, I was a tad disappointed, but truth be known moving hours away from a city scares me. Perhaps it's because I grew up in a small town and spent my teen years counting the days until I could break free and move to a city. Now that I know the thrill of anonymity and take-out, how could I ever go back?