Wednesday, April 18, 2012

April is the Cruellest Month

It's funny how life can be smooth and quiet for months and then everything seems to happen at once.

Early in March DH and I met with the big international adoption agency in town and we are now on the official waiting list for an adoption from Vietnam (after signing contracts and forking over a 3k retainer). We met with our social worker who must now amend our homestudy. Of course, the agency still has yet to receive a new license from the Vietnamese government.

In mid-March DH and I spent 10 days in Arizona: seeing the Grand Canyon, getting snowed-in during a blizzard in Sedona, seeing a couple of Texas Rangers games (we became big fans during our 2.5 years in North Texas), hanging out at the pool, and gazing at saguaros and the starry skies at night. Love the dry air for taking away the stiff aches in my elbows, knees, and ankles...although I had to cake the moisturizer onto my face each morning.

Got back in time for my nephew's 15th birthday. It was fun, but I cried when we got home from the festivities as I realized he was five when we first started trying to conceive. Even if we adopt there will be a big age gap between nephew and our child. Although DH pointed out that nephew will be able to baby-sit now.

At the beginning of April I received a call from my Mother telling me that her older, and last remaining, brother had suffered a major stroke and was in hospital. Oh, no. The next day she phoned to tell me that one of her oldest and dearest friends had suffered a heart-attack and was taken by ambulance to a nearby hospital (where she is on a waiting list for open-heart surgery). My much-loved uncle died one week later. Prior to his death, I went to see him late Easter morning, and although his eyes were closed he did blink a few times and appeared to form a slight smile when I told him his favourite niece was there. His funeral was a week ago. He played a major role in my childhood. (I will always remember that he and my aunt sent me my first bouquet of roses when I turned 16.) As long as I live I will always miss him. Even now I can not write this without crying.

The big surprise this week was the call from the gynecologist's office (my appointment is not until the end of July). The doctor had reviewed my file and looked at my MRI results and wanted me to have an updated ultrasound and a CA-125 blood test. I told them that I had just had an ultrasound a few weeks ago. Yesterday they phoned back and bumped up my appointment to this Monday telling me that the doctor wants to do surgery in May. I went for the CA-125 today (and it is NOT COVERED by the Ontario Health Insurance Plan).

This afternoon I was searching the internet for ovarian cancer and I am scared because I have some of the symptoms, although they are quite vague: fatigue, bloating, abdominal/pelvic pain. I am trying to remain calm, but inside I am freaking out. Why is it that when everything in life appears to be coming together it all falls apart.