Friday, March 28, 2008

Birthday Parties

Today is my nephew's birthday, so I had to pick up the phone and sing Happy Birthday to him. He turns 11 today, and was brutally honest with regards to my singing voice. Thanks kiddo. He didn't want to speak for long and so I ended up on the phone with my sister, and she told me about the ordeal with the birthday cake. Of course, my sister forgot to order a birthday cake and ended up driving all over town to find a place with a plain sheet cake that she could purchase. Then I heard all about the sleep-over party that my nephew wants to have, but not tonight because he has an important hockey game tomorrow (play-off)....You know, it just hit me, I will never have to deal with kids' birthday parties, and honestly, I won't miss that at all. Still love being an Auntie, though. Maybe I will be a wild and glamorous Auntie Mame-type aunt.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Contemplating Change

Darling Husband is negotiating a job offer that he received over the weekend. It is far away from where we currently reside. We are already living away from family and old friends so it really won't be much of a change in that way. The huge change is that it is away from any large metropolitan area. I'm excited but a tad scared just the same. One of the advantages of not having a child is that you can pick up and move any time of the year and one can search for a place to live without checking out the school districts.

Facebook Heartache

Alright, I admit that I'm okay with not being a mother, but sometimes it hurts when you discover that someone else within your social circle is pregnant. A couple of days ago I was on Facebook snooping around at friends' pages when I discovered that someone is pregant. It's like getting kicked in the stomach...over and over again...and again. Just not ready to be happy for other pregnancies at the moment. Not just yet...maybe soon. Now I must remember not to be so inquisitive when it comes to Facebook. Stick to Scrabulous and all will be well.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Edith Wharton Monument May Close

Recently I discovered that the monument to Edith Wharton is facing foreclosure. Although I'm not positive that Wharton was the original Barren Babe, she did live a childfree life. She conceived great pieces of literature that will continue to survive long after we have turned to dust. Let's guarantee that she will be remembered and honored through contributing to keep her monument open to the public. Check out the website to discover how we can keep the monument to this great author, and childfree babe, open to the public.

It's Okay Not to be a Mother

Everyday it is getting better. The longing for a baby is slowly, ever so slowly, subsiding. This time a year ago we were doing fertility treatments. You know, spending thousands of dollars on injectable hormones and running to and from the doctor's office for ultrasounds and bloodwork. Oh, yes, and injecting myself at least once, sometimes twice, a day with hormones that may eventually cause cancer. The hormones always made me lethargic and miserable. Really don't miss that at all. Really don't miss the bloating or the mandated 'sex on a schedule'. I was desperate and reaching out for anything.

A year later I am beginning to realize that it's okay not to get pregnant. It's okay if I don't give birth. The big surprise I'm discovering within myself is that it's okay not to be a mother.

All my life I thought it was the most natural thing to get pregnant and give birth. Unfortunately, infertility robs any piece of natural order out of motherhood. Growing up we are led to believe that pregnancy, giving birth, and becoming a mother is the ultimate thing a woman can do in her lifetime. Now I am beginning to realize that maybe it is not. It's okay not to pin that motherhood star on your wagon. I have finally discovered that I really should not base my self-worth on my ability to conceive and bear a child. It's okay not to get pregnant. It's okay if I don't give birth. It's okay not to be a mother.