Post Holiday Blues

Trying desperately to shake off the blues. Must confess that I was 'late'...almost 30 days late before "Aunt Flo" made a visit last weekend. I tried a couple of home tests but all were negative. Of course, that just makes it worse because I assume that I must be entering perimenopause since I am now in my last year before 40. (God! Did I actually write that number in reference to my age?) It's when 'Aunt Flo' is tardy that I actually start hoping that maybe my lonely follicle produced a healthy egg and was fertilized. Darling Husband tells me to forget about the baby thing and get it off my mind. I'm off the fertility drug train -- no more injecting myself with potentially cancer causing hormones. But, I still have hope that maybe I will have a 'miracle' baby. Am I nuts? Probably. Hope is dangerous because it stops you from moving on. Hope is all I have.