Looking Forward

Just survived a week at home with my parents. Love them dearly, but they have never been that great with the empathy/sensitivity thing. Perhaps it is because both are the 'babies' of their families and used to getting lots of attention and focus and not familiar with giving it. Guess it's a bit harsh but it is what it is and it's taken me a long time to realize this, accept it and let it be.

An example would be the fact that my Mother knows the loss I've recently gone through with the ectopic preganancy, and yet there is photo of my cousin's newborn baby sitting on the table in the middle of the living room. I tried to ignore it the first day I was home, but the second day I made a comment to get it out of my head. There it was day after day and it really got to me, but I did not want my parents to know that it hurt me. When I would come close to breaking down I would focus on the baby's wonky eyes: one is round and the other is almond-shaped. That poor child will grow up with uneven eyes like Tina Fey -- still haven't forgiven her for the 'miracle' pregancy ending of 'Baby Mama'.

I did let my Mother in on the fact that DH and I are going to be trying a FET this month. Not much reaction on her side and there's no surprise there. I am trying to be positive and look forward while forgetting the past, because you can't move ahead if you keep looking back.

Another Mother's Day Down

Whew! I made it through another Mother's Day unscathed. DH and I avoided malls and restaurants on Sunday. Instead, we slept in and stayed in our jammies until almost noon. The night before we went to a tiny sushi restaurant -- where I proceeded to partake of the cold sake. For lunch we made pancakes with maple syrup and watched HGTV. We have learned to stay away from any major restaurant chain, or one that advertises a Mother's Day buffet, on the M Day. It was a lazy day for us, although we did drag ourselves to Borders as DH was searching for some book for work.

Song to Help You Survive Pregnant Friends/Co-Workers

I found this awesome video on a blog last week and it makes me smile each time I watch it on Youtube. It's called 'Pregnant Women are Smug' by two women called 'Garfunkel & Oates' (great name). I've been trying to get pregnant for the past six and a half years and have encountered plenty of smug pregnant women in that time. Admit it, we've all thought it but no one likes to say it because...well, they're pregnant. If this upcoming FET does work, and I find myslef pregnant, I know how NOT to act around others.

Sarah Jessica Parker Using a Surrogate

A couple of days ago I heard on the radio (while I was on my way to the clinic for bloodwork) that Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick (forever Ferris Bueller) are expecting twins via a surrogate. They also mentioned that the two had tried to conceive for several years with no luck and so they decided to use a surrogate.

I would like to thank Sarah Jessica Parker for being open and honest about her struggle to conceive a second child, and for being public about their use of a surrogate. They wanted to add to their family and chose the surrogacy route. Who cares whose genetic material was used because it's really none of our business. (Honestly, if I had all the money in the world I think I would have tried using a surrogate.) Hopefully this will help people to begin to accept surrogacy and tear off the stigma attached to it.

Still not sure if I can forgive her for spreading the 'if you adopt you will get pregnant' urban myth that was seen in the Charlotte storyline of the 'Sex and the City' movie.

I'm No Longer Pregnant

I am no longer pregnant. Yay! Never thought I would ever be so happy to write that statement. The ET was the week after Valentine's Day and I have been "pregnant" for the last two months...but not 'really' pregnant. Very confusing and difficult to explain to family and friends, so we only told our parents, my sister and a really close friend. Happily I am no longer hormonal (crying at sad tv commercials and if DH looked at me the wrong way), my tummy is no longer swollen (ironoically I looked pregnant), and the cravings have vanished (no more milkshakes, cheeseburgers, or dairy products). I feel great and we are crazy enough to start thinking about an FET, although I must wait for AF -- which will probably take about six weeks as it did four years ago. A new month and a new clean slate.