It's a Negative

Went in for bloodwork a week ago and discovered that the FET was not successful. For some strange reason these embryos did not want to stick around in my uterus...and now I'm beginning to take it personally. What is so wrong with my uterus? Sure, I've only seen it on ultrasound, but it seems like a nice spot to burrow in and stay for nine months. Yes, I'm beginning to get a complex as to why embryos do not want to stick around inside my body.

Emotionally it's been a roller coaster this past week after going off the hormones. I have energy again, which is amazing, but I cry when reading or watching something sentimental or sad. Then I had this obsession with buying a red handbag. Strange, but I had to have a red one and I did find one at Macy's. I'm just now clueing into the fact that perhaps this red bag symbolizes my uterus...maybe I would like a new one that is more welcoming to embryos...hmmmm.

The other emotional thing is that DH found out on Friday that he needs to be in the UK for meetings this upcoming week. He flew out this morning and I'm feeling sad. Sad because he's gone and also because I would have loved to have joined him on this trip. Unfortunately, booking airplane tickets at the last minute means the fares are astronomical, and since we are planning another FET within the next six weeks that means we have no extra cash to spend for airfare. I'm ticked off that we didn't know about it sooner and therefore may have been able to purchase cheaper tickets or been able to use points. It would have been cool to hang in London this week and take my mind off my 'hostile' uterus.

Enough of my pity party. First I'll track DH's flight on flightview.com and then it's time for some housecleaning therapy, because later I have a date with Mad Men season one.

One Week Down

Today marked one week since the FET. I was so positive it worked last week, but now I'm not sure. Maybe it's because I don't 'feel' anything down there; no cramping, spotting, or anything else that might resemble implantation. There has been a 'fluttering' sensation down there, but that could have been just gas. I am really tired and want to sleep, but that could be a side-effect from the progesterone. My tummy is bloated, but again that could be an effect from the hormones or gas. Of course books are full of stories about women who are pregnant and don't know, so maybe this will be a good sign. At least I haven't had any sharp pains on my side. I'm going to try and stay hopeful until the test results on Saturday.

To Exercise, or Not to Exercise

It will be a week tomorrow since the FET and I'm wondering if it's okay to exercise. I am really torn over this one. Doing the treadmill is out of the question since I'm always tempted to increase the resistance and up my heart rate, but I'm really thinking about walking around the neighborhood. Saturday is the day I find out whether the FET 'took'...maybe I should still lay low until that time...Anyone have suggestions? Until then, I have an overflowing laundry hamper awaiting my arrival.

Crossed Fingers

Yesterday Hubby and I went in for the frozen embryo transfer. Nothing out of the ordinary: my blood pressure was high going in thanks to nerves and the speculum was excruciatingly painful. It's always a thrill viewing the embryos under the microscope just prior to the procedure; amazing that those cells may become a baby.

Only after signing papers before the FET did I really take note of the date: the seventh day of the seventh month. Hope that this is a lucky sign for us.

Today I am tired and craving potato chips. Hanging out on the sofa and watching movies. Yesterday it was the Michael Jackson memorial and the tears poured down my face listening to Brooke Shields and MJ's daughter Paris.

Last of the Lupron

Five hours ago was my last shot of Lupron. Woohoo!! Very happy to have that over with. Hubby and I had a good talk tonight about our upcoming visitor and he's okay with doing most of the entertaining, maybe even leaving me alone for an afteroon or a few hours. These hormones are making me so crazy and I'm starting progesterone and something else for the assisted hatching this weekend. Thank God I'm off the progesterone shots and taking it the 'other way' -- as much as I love Hubby, I think he enjoyed giving me the shots on my bottom a bit too much. I must try to calm down and relax for the upcoming FET.

Lupron Land Meltdown

Ughhhhhhh!!!!!

I am having one of those days. Thank God it's my last day of Lupron because I am so ready to lose it with anyone.

Hubby is driving me nuts. Why? Because he seems to be lacking all compassion for what I'm going through right now. He can't understand why I need the ac down low...um, it's because of the hot flashes. Plus he's invited a buddy from out of town to stay with us this weekend. Not a good time for me as the FET is scheduled for Tuesday. So, I'm busy cleaning getting the apartment ready and Hubby can't understand why I'm in a bad mood...and I had a meltdown.

Why couldn't he have seen that I was only being polite when I said it was okay for his friend to stay this weekend? So, I have decided that I'm going to leave the entertaining of the friend up to Hubby. He can take him out to do things and I'm staying home to relax, although I'll probably join them for dinner.

Dear God, please help me make it through this weekend without having a meltdown in front of Hubby's friend.