Friday, August 6, 2010

Unwanted Advice

This morning I went to get the hair refreshed with more highlights and a cut. My stylist is an amazing colorist, her cutting and styling are okay, but her advice and comments on my life are unwanted.

While I was sitting in the chair with foil sprouting out of my head like a giant sprocket, I told her about DH and I moving back to Canada and the house we just bought (thought I'd warn her that I won't be a client in a few months). She didn't understand why we bought a four bedroom house and I explained that three bedroom homes are difficult to find in the neighborhood we looked at (her English is not the best). I decided to mention that we're thinking about adopting and that is one of our reasons for moving back to Canada. Then she gave me a quizzical look and asked, "You want to adopt? Really? How old are you?" Gulp. I told her my age (41), and she told me I was too old to adopt (gee, as if I hadn't already thought of that) and that I wouldn't want a child when I should be thinking of retirement (gee, how supportive!). I was speechless and I bit my tongue...then I asked her how old she was when she had her youngest: 39. It was then that I realized that she was transferring some of her feelings about having a teenager, and thinking about retirement, onto myself and my situation.

The rest of my time in the chair was quiet because I really did not want to hear anymore of her unwanted advice. Just because someone gives you advice does not mean that you must believe it, or follow it. I think I'll follow my own path and that suits me just fine.

8 comments:

AmyG said...

Oh, you bought the house in Canada! I didn't pick that up before. I hope its the start of many wonderful experiences.

And, yeah, she should stick to advice about color. You're not at all too old. Maybe she has this weird idea that middle class people in North America retire at 50. Urg. Hope your new colorist in Canada is better to visit with!

It is what it is said...

Wow...totally and completely ignorant to adoption regardless of her projection.

I'm 44 and it's one route we are likely to head, and I belong to boards with women much older than I adopting newborns in this country. Other countries may have stricter age limits.

Geez...I hope you didn't leave a big tip :)

inBetween said...

how f*&%ing insensitive. So sorry you had to deal with that.

Everyone is different and so there is no golden rule on when you should have children and when you should be planning retirement. I would have been a horrible mother at 25 even though my skin probably would have recovered from the stretching better than it will/would now. But now that I'm 39 I'm way more mature and less selfish and will (hopefully) be the best mother I could possibly be even if I have some wrinkles. So really, what's better? bad younger mothers or awesome older mothers? I'm going with the latter.

You are so doing the right thing, and I'm really excited for your move and adoption!

ApronStringsEm said...

First of all ... yay for buying a house in Canada and for moving back!

And second of all ... grrr! I really hate unsolicited advice; even if it was a "transference" about her own issues!

My only hope is that she (meaning your soon-to-be EX-stylist) learned her lesson about sticking her foot in her mouth ...

So excited for you!

Kara's Mom said...

ugh - I would have told her to stuff it. (As long as my color was on already.) I HATE unwanted/unsolicited assvice. I'm sorry you had to dear that - and what an idiot. My mom has an elderly friend who spouts off to my mom about how I'm too old for IVF, too old for my twins, and how horrible it is that my mom has a picture of my deadbaby in her home (my firstborn and my mom's first grandchild.) If I ever meet this troll, I'll give her a piece of my mind. Unsolicited comments are unwelcome. IF is hard enough - people's asshole comments put me over the edge. I'm sorry and hope you discount her stupid remarks as those of an idiot.

Kara's Mom said...

ugh - I would have told her to stuff it. (As long as my color was on already.) I HATE unwanted/unsolicited assvice. I'm sorry you had to dear that - and what an idiot. My mom has an elderly friend who spouts off to my mom about how I'm too old for IVF, too old for my twins, and how horrible it is that my mom has a picture of my deadbaby in her home (my firstborn and my mom's first grandchild.) If I ever meet this troll, I'll give her a piece of my mind. Unsolicited comments are unwelcome. IF is hard enough - people's asshole comments put me over the edge. I'm sorry and hope you discount her stupid remarks as those of an idiot.

Silver said...

Aaaargh! It would have taken all the self-control I had not to either a) cry or b) stick a pair of scissors somewhere tender! I don't know about the adoption rules in Canada, but here in the UK, you certainly would not be too old to adopt.

Kelli said...

sorry to hear you got a dose of the unwanted advice. The funny thing is, when you adopt, people seem to see it as a free ticket to tell you or ask you anything and everything. The fact is, MOST families who adopt do so at older ages (and 41 is NOT old!). I know couples in their early 50's who are bringing 2 and 3 year olds home. Just tell her next time that you took the baby free retirement years between the ages of 20-40, and now you are HAPPILY postponing retirement to fulfill your dream of a family. That ought to shut her up....! (I popped over from Amy G's blog!)
Good luck with your adoption process!!!
Kelli