Tuesday, May 31, 2011

It's Not the End of the World

Sunday afternoon I popped over to the corner store for milk and the following headline: "Will & Kate's Baby Heartbreak - She Can't Get Pregnant" caught my eye. In fact I bought that trashy magazine because they put a story about a Royal Family member's possible infertility on the cover.

So, there I was checking out and doing the debit thing when suddenly the teenage girl working the cash checks the headline and makes a comment: "Oh, my God! Isn't that awful? I hope it's not true because that would just be terrible not being able to have children." It was like she hit me in the mouth. I didn't know how to reply to this as she just described my life situation as terrible and awful, so I just nodded and said, "Oh, yeah." Whatever. I was shocked by her negative reaction to infertility and I really did not feel like pouring my heart out to someone who can't legally purchase alcohol.

What I should have told her (if there hadn't been three people lined up behind me) was that it is terrible and awful not being able to get pregnant, but it is not the end of the world. My heart has been shattered but it still beats and I still love my husband with a love that grows with each passing year. In fact, I had no idea that I could love my husband this much when we got married, but infertility has brought us closer. It is awful not being able to create and give birth to a baby, and I thought I would die from the grief of five pregnancy losses, but it is not a death sentence. I don't have Cancer. I will live.

I should have told her that even if Kate Middleton has problems conceiving her husband's family will be able to afford the top fertility specialists that money can afford. With their oodles of wealth they can pay for endless rounds of ivf. If they end up with twins (wink, wink) we'll know they had a bit of help.

I should have told her that not being able to have children is not the end of the world, but it's the beginning of a new adventure for those not faint of heart.


Nicole said...

I feel the same way. Since I had my hysterectomy due to cervical cancer, i feel closer to my partner than ever. It is a new journey.

I actually had someone say to me on the weekend "You are lucky! You never have be pregnant!" And I laughed and said "You are right!".

So if we choose to go the adoption route, I won't ever have stretch marks or have to lose the pregnancy weight or any of those other things.

More and more friends get pregnant,and I just realize it is fine. They are on their adventure of life, and I am on mine.

It hurts, but it isn't the end of the world.

AmyG said...

It sounds like an odd but empowering moment to have that conversation!

And about your prior post and your old friend not writing the letter - WTF! It would be a huge blow to me too. I'm glad you're feeling better after that.

You will have quite the adventure story to tell your future child(ren) about all it took to bring you together!