Dreading the Holidays, or How to Cope with MIL

Yes, I am dreading the Holidays. We fly home for Christmas early tomorrow morning, and as much as I love my family, I am really not looking forward visiting. Especially the in-laws, my mother-in-law (MIL) specifically. She knows our struggles with infertility, and yet it's like she has selective amnesia. Last Christmas was difficult because I had a miscarriage the previous spring and my 'due date' would have been around late November/early December, so I was especially sensitive. MIL kept bringing up the baby of Husband's friend from back home, like in the car on the way to church, at Christmas dinner. Ugh! The last time she brought it up I had to be nasty and mention that the friend never wanted children (according to my Darling Husband) and is appeasing his wife (did I mention the baby is, well, ugly). Other times MIL brings up adoption. It's difficult to discuss these topics, so I try not to say much. She really would love a grandchild, but I don't know if we'll be able to provide one, biological or adopted. This year I'm feeling stronger so hopefully it will go better and I won't let her harping get under my skin.

Another Spears Catastrophe

Can you believe that Britney Spears' 16 year-old sister is pregnant???? I can't believe how dysfunctional this family really is. What really cracks me up is that they are planning on raising the child in Louisiana. How redneck are the Spears family? Sorry, just a little Barren Babe venting.

Childfree Santa Claus

It just hit me that Santa Claus is childfree. Does anyone know if he and Mrs. Clause ever had children?

The Question Every Barren Babe Dreads

Darling Husband and I escaped to a little town outside the city where we live last Saturday. In a couple of days we are flying home to spend time with our respective families for the holidays so we really needed a special time together before the Christmas separation. The town was small and cute with tons of antique shops. We stayed the night at a bed and breakfast. I love bed and breakfasts -- especially when they are in big, old houses -- because it's almost like you're staying over at a friend's house. The sticky thing with bed and breakfasts is the breakfast aspect. It's okay if they have lots of little tables and you can sit with your loved one, or if you can grap the breakfast and take it up to your room. But, I dread the huge dining table where everyone sits together. Perhaps I am anti-social, or maybe it's because I dread making small-talk, but the big dining table makes my tummy nervous. So, there we were sitting at the big table with two other couples. I knew the topic would come to children. I just knew it...and then it happened. "So, how many children do you have?" Ugh! "We don't have any children," I replied. My eyes fell to the strata on my plate. Hopefully they got the hint by my lack of eye contact. How do you tell complete strangers about your trials with infertility? Do they really want to know about a miscarriage? I felt my face go red, and luckily to topic changed after several minutes. This question is always asked by people who have children as an opportunity to discuss their own children. Childfree couples never ask because it isn't relevant to their lives.

Be a Santa to A Senior

One of the things that does scare me about remaining childfree the rest of my life is that I will be alone in a nursing home during my later years...and no one will visit me. Okay, I will admit that fear of loneliness in old-age is not a valid reason to have a child. Also, having a child is certainly not a guarantee that he/she will visit you when you are in a nursing home -- my SIL is a prime example, and a daughter of family friends totally cut her parents from her life. The grown child will more than likely stick you in a cheap facility so as not to drain his/her inheritance. So, if you remain childfree you will be able to pick your own nursing home/old folks home. I'll go for one with limo service and an open bar...might as well go out in style.

Here is a way to honor those seniors in our community who may be alone this Christmas. It's called Be a Santa to a Senior. You simply pick a 'decoration' on which a senior has listed a couple of items he/she would like to receive this Christmas. You purchase the item(s) and drop it off at a designated spot, and it is then gift-wrapped and presented to the senior by volunteers. It's a wonderful way to remember seniors in our community who may not have family that visit over Christmas. I really don't know how Barren Babes made it through years ago without fertility clinics and literature on coping with infertility. Many probably turned to adoption agencies, but what about the others who may have had a spouse divorce them because they could not reproduce? These must have been courageous and strong Barren Babes. Think about the Barren Babes that went before us and are now in seniors residences, and honor them by being a santa to a senior or visiting an old age home.

Britney Spears Pregnant?

Has anyone else looked at the tabloid covers and/or read the gossip that Britney Spears may be pregnant? Again? Why can this trampy, alocholic, negligent mother get pregnant? I'm still shocked that she lost custody of the children she already has, and now she may be expecting another child that she may not really want. I have a feeling that Britney loves babies because she has total control over them and they are 'cute and cuddley' -- the perfect accessory. But, when they get to be a toddler she loses interest as they become more difficult to control. Just a theory. But, man, someone must sit this woman down and have a TALK with her.

Icecream Makes You Fertile?

Yesterday I read the cover story on the latest issue of Newsweek about the "Fertility Diet". I'm not going into details because I don't want promote it, but you can check it out through the link. Basically it promotes drinking whole milk instead of skim and indulging in....ICE CREAM!!! Apparently there are proteins in whole milk that are important when trying to conceive, and skim milk has zero of these good proteins. EEGAD!!! That's why I haven't achieved a healthy pregnancy!! All those years of drinking skim milk and eating frozen yogurt were wasted. Of course it was all I needed to run out and buy some Ben & Jerry's and Haagen Daz.

Sex and the City Prescription

Just had a great chat on the phone with a good friend. After I told her all about my meltdown and my re-thinking another round of hormones and IUI, she prescribed a good dose of Sex and the City. Just go and rent a few episodes and you'll feel better. Thank God for Sex and the City, because not every woman runs to the suburbs to multiply..er, breed. I am strong. I will overcome these feelings of baby-lust. Viva Carrie Bradshaw!

Meltdown Mania

Last night I had a major meltdown with DH. He wants to move back to the city we lived before, and, well, I'm really happy where we are and he's not. Guess it's because most of our infertility struggles were there and all the married friends have babies. That's the big one: every couple that married the same year as us is on their second child and I feel like we don't belong because we don't have children. Add on to that the several years we lived in a huge, empty house in the suburbs -- because I was convinced I'd get pregnant as soon as we'd start trying!! Empty bedrooms that can only be filled with hobbies and knick-knacks are a black hole of sadness. Anyway, many tears were shed during the meltdown and I even started blabbering about trying another IUI for 'old times sake'...Really...My hormones must be manic right now...Was I really serious that I wanted to try another IUI? Do I really want to pump endless amounts of hormones into my body? Why is it that every time I get sad or feel depressed I begin to think of the one thing I will never be able to achieve/have? The moment of clarity is when I realize that I use this as a scapegoat for all my worries and problems: "If I had a baby then all would be right with the world." I must remember that happiness and contentment lie within myself, and that it is only when I look and focus 'within' that I will truly be happy. A baby will not make me happy. I must remember this the next time I feel headed to a meltdown.

Eat, Pray, Love Movie

Just watched Oprah earlier and she mentioned that there will be a movie adaptation of the wonderful book 'Eat, Pray, Love'. Hmmm, not sure what to make of that news. How does a book revolving around spiritual awakening and growth become a movie? The absolute worst part about this movie adaptation is that Elizabeth Gilbert's role will be played by Julia Roberts. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. A thousand times NO. This cannot be. I'm not a fan -- don't find her attractive (horsey face with gigantic mouth) plus she would not admit that fertility treatment helped produce her twins, and God knows millions of women going through the trials of infertility need to know that they are not alone...that there's nothing to be ashamed about...that it's okay to use assisted reproductive methods.

Christmas Cards

Dug out the Christmas card list from last year and started the task of sending cards to family and friends yesterday and today. We do not send the newsletter telling everyone about our year. I think that if you're close enough to someone then you do not need a newsletter. Besides, it lacks a certain warmth. My DH and I joke that we should mail a letter detailing our trips to the fertility clinic, and the IUIs that we went through. Then we could describe the needles I used to inject hormones into myself, and then reflect upon our decision (so far) to suspend further IUIs as the hormone I was using could spark tumor growth in the brain, breast, and sex organs. Yeah, well, we decided not to share our fertility clinic experiences with anyone. I absolutely dread getting the baby/children photos -- I ripped up the ones we received last year. This is the time of the year when it really bites to be infertile. My only consolation is that I am drinking egg nog this year after five years of deprivation in case I might be pregnant. Screw it, I'm drinking everything this Christmas. I'm even thinking of sneaking a flask in my suitcase when I go home as my folks are on the wagon. I'm sure my single follicle won't mind at all.