Sunny Days Ahead

The past couple of weeks have been crazy with the in-laws visiting, leaving (whew!), DH's job interview and week-long business trip. We also moved the embryo transfer date to early June plus Mother's Day this year fell around the anniversaries of my sister's death and an earlier miscarriage. So, I've been up and down and all around emotionally these two weeks and I am just beginning to feel steady and even again.

The in-laws left three weeks ago yesterday and it took me a week to recover. I have delayed writing about their visit because I needed some distance. You see, if I had written the day after they left it would have consisted of nasty, hateful comments and I don't want to fill my life with hate. The strange part is that I had a good conversation with MIL when we were alone and I told her about trying another embryo transfer -- she understands how I feel but emphasized how disappointed DH was when I had the miscarriage (notice how it's all about her son and not me). The last few days we went on an overnight trip and I began to push back when she made negative comments. I did snap at her when she began clipping her fingernails in the backseat of our car (Oh, my God! Who clips their nails in someone else's car or in public for that matter?). To my credit I held my tongue when she was smacking gum in the backseat and made a fuss about having the window down because it messed her short, straight hair (okay, I did push back on that one). But, the main reason I just don't care about my in-laws anymore: during a toast on their second-last dinner with us, my FIL thanked DH for all his hospitality with nary a mention of yours truly. With that, I mentally wiped my hands clean of these people. I love their son, but I really don't care about them, and the last day was great because there's no stress when you don't care. (Perhaps now I should mention that DH finally revealed that the reason he arrived at the church just two minutes before I did on our wedding day was because his parents arrived late at this hotel room and made him late; also, both his parents refused to give the speech at our wedding dinner welcoming me to his family and his sister gave it instead, perhaps I should have clued in at that time to their ambivalence towards me.)

A couple of days before the in-laws departed, DH received a phone call from a former colleague wondering if he'd like to interview for a position at the company where she works. This company is in the city where we lived before this one about a thousand miles away. Once the in-laws left we were able to talk about it and decided he should go for the interview and he did a week ago yesterday. No word yet, but DH did worry about the 'what ifs' with the embryo transfer in late June. Oh, the 'what ifs' can really make you anxious. So, I phoned the clinic and asked if we could move up the transfer date to earlier in June and it is now scheduled for June 7, and I start lupron tonight! DH's former colleague texted that they really liked him and his potential boss is thinking about making him an offer, but that was two days ago and with this economy who knows what may happen. I'm trying not to think about it because I need to focus on being relaxed.

I survived Mother's Day by ignoring it. Don't worry, I phoned my Mother as she lives hundreds of miles away. DH and I went for brunch at an Irish pub in a nearby college town and then checked out an antique fair that was going on. Bought a black satin evening bag from the 60s with a rhinestone clasp as well as a couple of scarves -- including an 80s Adrienne Vittadini silk scarf.

I am feeling a bit nervous about the lupron shot tonight, but I am sure the first shot is the worst and I just need to get back into the habit of doing it.