Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Closing Day Approaches

I don't know what I was thinking when we decided to buy a house in July. The plan was to go and check out houses and go back at Christmas to look again. But, we found one we both loved and decided to be crazy and buy it. Don't get me wrong, I still love it and I am excited with the thought of living there, but we have had a lot of stuff to deal with this year: a miscarriage in February and our last FET in June.

This month has been difficult for me as (what would have been) my due date fast approaches. Thoughts about being pregnant and what might have been keep surfacing and I find myself tearing up at odd times. I try not to cry in DH's presence and end up in the bathroom wiping tears with toilet paper. DH has been stressed dealing with moving companies, as well as the bank back in Canada regarding our mortgage, so I don't want to burden him with my sadness. Once I am past the first couple of weeks in October I will be better, or at least that is what I keep telling myself.

What has helped me lately is the cathartic process of decluttering -- getting rid of stuff/junk we do not need. It really is a freeing process, and one which DH had difficulty with. After a couple of disagreements/fights, he agreed to part with an Ikea bookcase he's had for 20 years (and it did show its age) as well as photography magazines dating back to 1987. He finally realized that it really is just stuff, and that we have to get rid of the old stuff in order to begin again. I have also taken some of the books I have collected about optimizing fertility and trying to get pregnant to a second-hand bookstore -- no sense moving those again, especially the Taking Charge of Your Ferility book. A new beginning awaits us.

Once I pass the due date I will feel better (this is my new mantra), but why does moving thousands of miles have to be so difficult and stressful? We will get through this. Once we have moved, and our stuff has arrived safely, then I will allow myself a good cry. Until that time I must be strong and get through this.


inBetween said...

Know I'm thinking of you. This is a lot to handle, and all at once too. But that just might be the best way to work through your due date, as it is a really sad date. GOOD LUCK WITH THE EXCITING MOVE!!!

Suzanne said...

I know that moving can be stressful and I'm sure that everything else that has been going on in your life is adding to the stress. But it's great that you're decluttering (I've been working on that myself) and I'm so excited for you about your move and new beginning :)

It is what it is said...

Congrats on the house and good luck with the move. It is a stressful time indeed for you.

I LOVE to de-clutter. I'm not sure if it is the appearance of control or the actual act of ridding myself of things no longer needed or the feeling of everything being in its place that I like the most (although for me it is likely the latter).

AmyG said...

Moving is kind of traumatic under the best circumstances; I can't imagine doing all that while you're grieving! Best of luck! I hope you get settled in the new place soon and LOVE IT.

MommieV said...

Moving is hard for me. It always seems to stir up so much stuff - and that's just on the inside. I always end up crying for no reason. I think you're strong for dealing with so much in addition to your move. Good luck!