Thursday, October 28, 2010

Help Me Make It Through October

It's October 28th and I thought I had made it through October (moving month) somewhat unscathed. Earlier in the month I had mini-meltdowns around what would've been my due date. I would lock myself in the bathroom and have a quick cry like Holly Hunter's character in the movie 'Broadcast News', and then feel better for a little while. But, moving in the middle of all this emotional stuff is tough, and suppressing feelings is not healthy.

Also added to this mix is our wedding anniversary (8 years) and my birthday, plus a diagnosis of eustachian tube dysfunction (not deadly, just a constant earache) and a little bladder infection as a cherry on top. I was on so much medication when the movers packed our stuff that I really felt no stress...or much of anything for that matter. We spent a few days at a bed and breakfast before flying back to Canada, and then the last four nights we have camped out at our new place sleeping on an air mattress. Needless to say we were ecstatic to get our furniture and stuff today.

The house doesn't quite feel like a home with all the boxes piled around our furniture, but I was so excited after the movers left. I was busily trying to put stuff in its place later in the afternoon (as my parents are coming over tomorrow for my birthday) when DH pulled me aside and said he had something to tell me. He looked uncomfortable and grim, so I asked who was pregnant. 'Not pregnant, but something else," he replied. of his contractors at work (someone he deals with frequently over the phone/email) just had a baby...well, his wife had one...three weeks ago....around the time of what would have been my due date. Yes, I had a meltdown. A major meltdown. Why did he have to tell me the night before my birthday. I love DH, but his timing sucks...he then admitted that he forgot it's my birthday tomorrow....He knows, but he just forgot when he told me the baby news...then he admitted how difficult it is to hear this guy go on and on about a new baby. Sometimes people are self-involved and don't have a clue how to put two and two together and figure out that maybe DH and I have had problems conceiving, and just assume that we don't want children.

Oh, God, now 'Up' is on television. Must have another good cry before my head hits the pillow. Here's hoping I make it through the next few days until we say goodbye to another October.


HopeBPatient said...

So sorry that you're having to deal with all of this. My husband finally revealed to me the other week that one of the 22-year old receptionists at his office (already has one child, not married) is pregnant and due right around the time that I would have been due had we not had to abort at 13 weeks. He's been dealing with this/having to look at her for months now and has not been telling me. It was hard for me to hear. But I just imagined how hard it must be for him to see her every day. At least I don't have to see her every day. I think it's hard for our husbands to share what they're feeling, but I am happy he did - so at least I have an idea that he's feeling the same things that I am. Hugs to you and take care of yourself.

inBetween said...

What a hellish October you are having. I'm so sorry. But I think it is a good sign that your husband wanted to share that news with you, bad timing and all. It really shows that you two are in this together and both feeling the pain. That must feel comforting.

It's really hard, but try to focus on the good things and the upcoming exciting things -- the holidays in your new house for one!!! happy unpacking. Nothing quite like a move to cleanse the soul.

Know you are in my thoughts!

Illanare said...

Thinking of you

AmyG said...

Coming late to this. October is over! I hope things have gotten brighter.

And, yeah, that whole opening part of Up just KILLED me when I saw it! Did NOT see that coming!

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