Thursday, August 4, 2011

To Know or Not to Know

On Tuesday DH spoke with our contact at the adoption agency we recently signed up with. We sent an updated version of our profile (more action photos) to her last week and had not heard from her. She confirmed that she received our profile and was going to present it to the pregnant teenage girl she spoke to us about a few weeks ago. Um, what?

We have no problem being presented, but we are really confused by this agency's process as we were told that they do NOT notify couples when their profiles are being presented. Perhaps it is because this woman spoke with us in her office regarding our level of acceptance regarding birth mothers alcohol and marijuana intake, and then questioned us whether we are musically inclined. The birth mother wants a couple who are musical (now I am thankful for those four years of piano lessons, and that I moved my Great Grandmother's piano across North America when DH wished to leave it in California). We appear to be this birth mother's ideal couple except she wants a childless couple who are in their early thirties and we are early forties. Our age could be our downfall in this whole private domestic adoption pursuit.

It felt like someone kicked my stomach when DH told me we were going to be presented to this birth mother. Since we know that she wants a younger couple I do not have much faith that we will be chosen. Every now and again I will think of baby names or check cribs online, but then I have to tell myself that we are a long-shot. It makes me wonder whether it is better to know if your profile is being presented, or whether it is better not knowing to relieve the nervousness. I think I would prefer not knowing, although I guess there is the issue of one always wondering if your agency has forgotten about you. At this point I am hoping for the best, but realizing that we may be too old for this particular birth mother.


DH and I are having a couple over for dinner on Saturday that we used to chum around with while we were dating and newly married. We have drifted apart due to our time in the US and the fact that they had a baby two years ago. They had us over for dinner in January and we wanted to wait until our home study was finished before inviting them. I am also feeling emotionally stronger regarding others with babies and it will be good for us to maintain friendships with couples that have children even if we never do. Must admit that it may be difficult, and I am really scared in case they have a pregnancy announcement (as it took them a long time to confirm a date with us), so I am mentally preparing myself for one. Also, we are prepared to be open and possibly share our hopes for adopting, but I am not prepared to go into our medical history of infertility...of course, after a few glasses of red wine who knows what might come out of my mouth. Hopefully I will get the first floor of our house child proofed before their arrival. Should be interesting.


Eb said...

I can hear your anxiety in the text. My dearest friends adopted after her battle with cancer. I remember the anxiety and tension of the waiting. Then they disappeared for a month and came back with - baby J.
Good luck with the presentation to the teenager. You will be great parents to your child/ren.

Good luck over the meal too - dutch courage may be called for!!

nicole said...

Good luck with everything! i can imagine it is hard either way - wondering if you are going to be presented or knowing you are, and wondering what they will think. i have my fingers crossed for you!