Friday, February 19, 2010

Blue

Last week at this time I was physically drained and feeling like a zombie -- and, looking like a vampire due to the blood loss. Today I feel emotionally drained. The tears come at weird moments like watching the winter olympics and thinking I'll never have a little one to take to ski hills, figure skating, or hockey. Much like the overcast skies I feel blue, or maybe I have a case of the "mean reds" like 'Breakfast at Tiffany's'. Retail therapy might be just the cure, but I'm afraid seeing pregnant bellies and baby strollers might induce an emotional breakdown. So, today I'm trying cleaning therapy to brighten my day.

7 comments:

Katie said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. I wish there were more I could do or say to comfort you.

ApronStringsEm said...

Movie therapy has worked for me at times. Late night shows at theaters where kids aren't allowed alone after a certain hour. The key, of course, is finding a non-kid-centric film.

So sorry that this sucks so badly ...

tireegal68 said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've just been reading over your last few posts. It's heart-breaking how one minute all was fine and the next it was not. I wish I could do and say something to help you heal. Along with the grief and heartbreak remember your hormones are doing a serious number on you. Be kind to yourself. ((Hugs))

musicmakermomma said...

Cleaning therapy sounds great, and you end up with a clean(er?) house! I have been mostly doing the mindless tv while cruising the net and reading mindless chick lit. All at once. Just so my mind doesn't really kick in.

You take the time you need for grieving. I am so sorry you are going through this, and you have been through so much already, it is just unfair. Thinking of you.

AmyG said...

It's so tough; I'm so sorry. It's so unfair. I have no useful advice. I hope you're getting lots of TLC in real life. I'll be thinking of you.

maxandzuzu said...

Life is so unfair. I've never been in that situation so I don't really have any advice. But it seems only natural that after a loss like that you will probably break down at some point when presented with a "baby stroller moment." I nearly break down and I've never been pregnant. Do things that make you happy, a new hair style, mani, pedi, etc. Perhaps research some books or a counselor to help you grieve. Thinking of you.

T

barrenlands said...

I like the idea of retail therapy... do what you need to do to get through this difficult time! I know I cried everyday for several months. I also visited a grief counselor and that helped me 'function'... but I don't think I'll ever really feel ok when I see a pregnant belly or stroller.
It's small consolation at this time, but I've nominated you for a beautiful blogger award. Thank you for sharing your journey. (hugs)