Dark Winter Days

Earlier this morning I was shovelling snow on our back deck. For some strange reason the previous homeowner built a deck that went under the gas furnace exhaust/intake pipes. These pipes are six inches above the deck boards situated a couple of inches between a riser for the patio door and the railing. I have no idea what this couple was thinking when they built the deck the way they did as the snow must be cleared from this area all the time, and it is so awkward to get a shovel in this space that one has to use hands to scoop out the snow between the pipes. Guess DH and I will not be going on any trips during winter until we make changes to the deck, which may not be for a few years. Of course, the whole adoption thing is costing more than I realized so we may not be able to afford a sun holiday for a long time. Grrrrr! Just needed to vent as DH keeps reminding me about how much more things cost up here.

We are halfway through the PRIDE course and have completed our second homestudy visit the other day, so there is a feeling that we are progressing through the 'adoption system'. We need to do more research regarding discipline and we realize that we really should be in agreement on how we will discipline. I have also started a birthmother letter, but have an enormous case of writer's block that sent me straight to the internet for inspiration. If anyone knows of any amazing websites/blogs regarding adoption, or writing profiles/birthmother letters, please feel free to comment.

At this moment I am feeling somewhat hopeful about adoption, but we have been forewarned by our social worker that there are not a lot of birthmothers giving their babies up for adoption. The other bad news is that the big international adoption agency in our city has wait lists of a minimum of two years -- and that is for waiting children with special needs. It seems like other countries are not so keen on foreigners adopting their children as the restrictions appear to be getting tighter (eg. age, weight, marital status etc). If I think too much about the mountain ahead of us I get discouraged, so I try to focus on the present.

The other freaky thing that has happened to me this winter is that I had a menstrual cycle in January. I had been on HRT since August, but I had a strange rash around my left nipple that appeared in September and wouldn't go away. Thinking that there might be a correlation between the rash and HRT, I went off the hormones the week before Christmas. Surprisingly the rash finally disappeared two weeks later. The week after that Aunt Flow came to town for a visit, the day I was leaving for an out of town tournament with my sister and niece. I had not had a period since June and it was weird having it again, and I had forgotten how messy and uncomfortable it can be. Since I had a menstrual cycle I decided to skip the HRT and see if AF visits this month, which should be within the next week.

These dark winter days are getting me down, especially with the homestudy, as well as the PRIDE course taking up one day a weekend for four weeks. I am trying to think of spring, but it seems so far away. Maybe I will stay in this afternoon and watch Dr. Zhivago, since the snow will still be there tomorrow. Oh, I think our Mr Plow guy is here clearing our driveway! Think I might leave the front steps for DH to clean off tonight.