Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Grandchildrenless

Last week was my MIL's 65th birthday, so we drove two hours north to celebrate with DH's parents and a few of their friends. We had a great dinner at a restaurant out in the countryside and went back to the in-laws' home for tea and cake, although they had a few alcoholic beverages before the cake.

There was lots of chatting and one woman was talking about her son who has started a new job and is going through training. One of the friends across the room did not hear all of the story asked if it was her son or grandson she was referring to. Out of nowhere my MIL replies, "It's her son. You see both Eileen and I are Grandchildrenless." It felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I rolled my eyes and held back the tears that tried to fill my eyes. Then they began a discussion of neighbors' kids. She knows that we want children and that we have gone through fertility treatments. MIL is also aware of the pregnancy losses, and yet she chose to shine a light on the matter in front of their friends. I fail to understand her lack of sensitivity in the matter. Wish you could trade in MILs. Thank God we do not live in the same town and we are a two hour drive away, although it was much better when we were a 4-7hr flight away.

7 comments:

It Is What It Is said...

I am so sorry and can imagine that it did take the wind out of you to hear her say that, out loud, in front of others WITH you in the room. I hope she at least had the sense to see how it made you feel or thought better of it once the words left her mouth and that she made an attempt to right her wrong.

I am sorry and hope you wrap yourself up in a big old hug.

eggsinarow said...

I am so sorry. I know it hurts when my MIL says stuff like, "So and so has 5 grandkids, I only have one. I can't wait for more to spoil!" Especially since that "1" grandkid isn't my child.

Big hugs.

AmyG said...

[[I wrote a comment already, but it may have disappeared.]]

What the HELL?!? That was absolutely uncalled for! I am so sorry that happened to you. Like a previous commenter, I hope she's had a reflective moment since then. Ugh.

loribeth said...

Oh wow, that must have hurt so much. I have heard my own mother tell people she doesn't have any grandchildren -- & while it's true & she doesn't say it with any particular attitude, it still hurts horribly to hear her say it. I was with her once & the woman she was chatting with shot me this disapproving look, as if to say, "And why ever not, you selfish little bitch??" I felt about two inches tall. (((hugs)))

inBetween said...

she seems to have completely forgotten that you are 5 million times more sad about the situation than she is... dare I say it, what a totally bitchy thing to say.

Nicole said...

Ugh. It would be an obnoxious comment even if she didn't know you'd been trying and doing fertility treatments. The fact that she knows just makes it down right rude.

When I was with my ex-husband, my MIL was awful at times. My ex was an only child and she was really obsessed with having grandchildren to the point that she told us she'd move to our city and take care of the child for us. We weren't ready to have children (which is good seeing as how we divorced after 4 yrs of marriage) and we had to deal with a lot of pushy comments, often talking about she was the only one of her friends who wasn't a grandmother.

It is really annoying when people but their needs above yours, especially when it is with something like children. She might be sad she isn't a grandmother but it sounds like she has entirely failed to consider how much worse you feel that you aren't a mom.

I too hope she's thought about what she said and how hurtful that had to be to you and your husband.

Hugs to you.

Suzanne said...

Do we have the same MIL? I think so. My MIL also knows about our fertility treatments and my miscarriage. In October, she came up to visit us and being "helpful" brought two newspaper articles that might explain why I was infertile even after DH told her that we were done with the fertility treatments and were pursuing adoption.

My MIL and I got into a huge fight and I told her that there would be absolutely no more fertility treatments and no biological grandchildren. I also told her that DH and I were pursuing adoption.

Guess how she handled that? She cried and sulked the whole weekend. Yep, the visit was a nightmare and completely ruined.

Since then DH has talked to her and set some boundaries. I'm so glad that she lives a day's drive away!

I'm sorry you had to deal with that insensitive comment.